One of the reasons I enjoy sharing with you all every week is because I never feel pressure to act like I have all the answers. I probably have more questions than anything and each day I learn something new about myself. The best teachers are the random people that I interact with on a weekly basis. This week in particular it seemed that everyone wanted to know the same thing… “Why aren’t you married yet?” The guy at church, an old high school classmate, and a childhood friend to name a few and they all gave me that look to say, “What’s wrong with you?” I swore if one more person grabbed my ring finger looking for a rock I thought I would scream! I wanted to yell, “I’M GOOD!!” Instead, I politely smiled and said, “Not yet.” Trust me, no one is more excited to meet the future Mr. Ashton (lol, j/k) than me but I’m trying to enjoy the season I’m in now! And that is where many of us, especially women, miss it! When I meet him trust me the world will know!
There are times when people can get you to question what YOU may never have thought to question. I’ve always been extremely independent. I never needed to have someone with me to get what I needed to get done. And so it is with relationships… I’m extremely patient. I’ve seen so many jacked up ones that I’m never too quick to pull the trigger. But I must admit, after all of the inquiries this week, I started to question it myself. I remembered the timeline I set up for myself back in my early teenage years. I’d be married at 22 and having my first child by 25. HA! Let’s just say I’m a bit behind schedule.
All types of thoughts began to run through my head… Is it me? Are my standards too high? Do I need to move? All of this doubt lasted about a day and then I snapped out of it. I realized that where I am is a direct result of the decisions I’ve made in the past. I’ve made some really dumb decisions in past relationships which have caused me to get a bit off track. But today I can honestly say that I’m staying true to myself, seeking God first, and standing steadfast on what the Word of God calls me. We’re not defined by where we are according to our own timeline. We are defined by how well we are fulfilling our purpose for the timeline He has predestined for us.
I want to encourage you, especially my ladies, to not grow weary with your singleness. Don’t rush into a relationship and end up married wishing you were single. Let God orchestrate it. I don’t know about you but I’ve tried orchestrating it on my own and it’s been an epic fail. I believe that your partner is tied into your purpose. Seek out your purpose first and watch how God will work to line you up with someone who fits perfectly into that purpose. You won’t have to compromise who you are or your beliefs for the person God has designed for you. Every relationship faces challenges but trust that when you are equally yoked, those challenges will be a lot easier to attack when you are on one accord.
This past weekend, I literally saw women throwing themselves at men and leaving very little to the imagination. It was an outcry for attention from men whose primary hobby is to get as many women as they can possibly enter into their phonebook. All I could think was if these women only knew their worth they would demand so much more respect. The bible says in Proverbs 18:22, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” Key word is “FIND.” Ladies, let him find you. Be about your business, start to understand who God has called you to be, walk with a confidant stride, and leave something to the imagination! We have to build our confidence in knowing who we are and what we deserve. The sooner we realize that, the sooner we stop reading the fairytales and begin living the fairytales.
In the meantime, don’t be afraid to get out there and make it happen on your own. Travel, buy your own home, start that business! Don’t put your life on hold because you feel like you need a partner to make it happen. If God gives you a vision, move in that vision! That obedience may very well be what’s necessary for your mate to find you.
Be BOLD
Be FABULOUS
Be YOU
Tuesdays with Bianca
Tuesdays with Bianca 
Wow sis. You pegged it ONCE AGAIN!!! I will just leave a quickie scripture reference to touch and agree with you on this: 1Corinthians 7:8 and 7:32-35. Continue allowing God to use you.
Awesome blog Bianca! This season of singleness has been a season of preparation, its a time where we should develop our most intimate relationship with God ever; while doing the work of the ministry, walking in our purpose!
AMEN!!!!
Preach on! True, you must love yourself before you can love someone else. God places and removes people from your life for various reasons. While black men admire independent women, moderation is the key. Extreme independence is a turn off for many black men because while women can and should handle their “own”, men need to feel like they bring something to the table as well. While patience is a virtue, whether for relationships or friendships, a woman having seen too many “jacked up ones”, displaying extreme independence, and feeling like a man’s “primary hobby is to get as many women as they can possibly enter into their phonebook”, may be the root cause for being single.
@ Quiet Storm: You and I got 2-different things from this post. I guess that’s kind of the beauty of perception. I don’t feel that “independence” is actually the issue of what Bianca is stating. On the contrary, I think that her post is showing the need for FULL DEPENDENCE on Christ. I don’t see PURPOSE and INDEPENDENCE (as the world defines it) as the same thing. Resting in His word is very empowering b/c you accept that God has a plan for your life and are willing to WAIT on Him revealing it before making an out of line move. DEPENDENCE on Him creates an atmosphere where seeing who He has for you becomes a non-issue b/c it is CRYSTAL CLEAR.
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. Feel free to share with others. God bless you.
Great post! So many don’t know their worth and are out her searching for a man. A woman will never have a problem with men approaching her especially if she is about her business. Notice I said men and not boys parading around as men. There is a difference! If you don’t know your worth you will allow others to create it for you. An independent woman is attractive especially when she know when to turn it off and help a man feel wanted.
I’m so sorry I missed this one. I needed it this week. Better late than never. Thank you Bianca.
@Socrates… thank you for reading and AMEN to your comment!
@Tristan, thank you so much for commenting! I’m happy you didn’t miss this one and I pray that each of us continue to encourage you and others.