I Want A Divorce!


Yes, you read it right. I’m over it. One day over the moon, the next under a rock… it’s time I said enough is enough. I’m tired of the attacks, my mind needs to rest, and my smile should be permanent. I’m saying no more to the emotional rollercoasters… I want a divorce from my EMOTIONS!!

A few years back, my first lady did a lesson on “Divorcing Yourself from Your Emotions.” Now it’s been some years and I STILL haven’t quite conquered this one. I’m not even the emotional type but when it hits… it HITS. I fall into a slump that even the happiest thoughts can’t seem to pull me out. Yes, I know that prayer changes things and I’m active in that process. However, rarely do things or habits change overnight. My faith and my emotions are constantly at war with each other… and honestly I get tired. Tired of pressing forward, tired of waiting, tired of not seeing the reward. This faith walk is not for the faint at heart! Lord knows, if I didn’t have a relationship with God, I would be in a padded room, rocking back and forth, having conversations with my imaginary friends. Yes, I would have gone completely insane a long time ago! Now that I have taken on this very public assignment with the Bold & the Fabulous, I try to pull on all of the positives but let it be known I go through some of the same trials that many of you do, both believers and non-believers. 

What may set me apart from most though is that I have an understanding of the whole notion of walking by faith and not by how you feel. I understand that the enemy’s plan is to attack the mind. If he can get you to think negatively about yourself, your life, and have you to begin to doubt your self-worth then he’s won. Anyone who knows me knows that I hate to lose!! Once I got a revelation of how the enemy manipulates the mind, I’m conscious of not letting my down days take me completely out! I’m fighting.

Each and everyday is a fight to stay a step ahead. The enemy wants fear, defeat, and regret to consume us. If we aren’t careful, it is easy to lose sight of who you are called to be and start living outside of the will of God.I’m determined to fulfill my purpose here on earth. Too many of us are content with being saved knowing that it’s our ticket into heaven. Well, I’m taught that there is a life that can reflect heaven on earth and that’s my aim. I’m looking to live my BEST life now knowing that the Afterlife has no choice but to be greater because of the God I serve.

I’m going to put it into perspective so that we can all have a clear picture. When you go to club, don’t trip… yeah it’s been a while for some of us but some of our readers may have been there last night! This blog is for everyone… Ok, so we know that there’s VIP and General admission. Of course everyone wants VIP treatment but not everyone wants to pay the extra cost. Those with General Admission are content with knowing that they will all get into the club eventually to listen to the same music and look at the same tired guys. LOL, okay maybe that’s just my experience. I’m going to stop playing! …  Similar to this thought, there are Christians who want to go all the way. They pay that extra cost of living holy, reading the Word, denying the flesh because they want a VIP lifestyle. They understand the benefits of living a life pleasing to God. Then there are Christians who are content with just accepting Jesus as Lord and Savior over their life because they know that’s their ticket to heaven but their lifestyles are no different from the un-saved. 

I have had quite a few challenging days. I was irritated, angry, and just plain tired. I wanted cuss, fuss, and lash out at the smallest thing and not long ago it would have definitely went down like that… saved and all! Instead I kept to myself, not many words for anyone, and stayed in constant prayer to get past these feelings. It was a conscious effort on my part not to let my emotions destroy me and the progress I’ve made. I want to be clear that even with understanding there are tests of faith; but when you know better, you do better and I’m determined to do better in life. I had a rough few days. My emotions had complete control and I let defeat seep into my pours. I felt trapped, worthless, and discouraged. For anyone who has ever been there or is currently battling, keep fighting! You may not feel on top of the world everyday but continue to lean on Him. Know that God lives within in you and that you are victorious because our God can not be defeated. My prayer for myself and all those challenged with controlling their emotions is that we become more equipped with wisdom of God to attack these emotional spells as soon as they hit. We can’t continue to let them linger. This season will pass and when it does I will welcome the next one with open arms, a pure heart, and a thankful spirit!

Isaiah 55:7-9 reads:

7 Let the wicked forsake their ways
   and the unrighteous their thoughts.
Let them turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on them,
   and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

 8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
   neither are your ways my ways,”
            declares the LORD.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Be Bold,

Be Fabulous,

Be You!

Tuesdays with Bianca


6 thoughts on “I Want A Divorce!

Add yours

  1. Oh snap son!! “there are Christians who want to go all the way. They pay that extra cost of living holy, reading the Word, denying the flesh because they want a VIP lifestyle” . . . “Then there are Christians who are content with just accepting Jesus as Lord and Savior over their life because they know that’s their ticket to heaven but their lifestyles are no different from the un-saved.” WHEW!!!!
    Keep pressing sis. We will no doubt have those moments where we want to divorce our emotions, but thank God for them b/c they are a reminder that we will ALWAYS need God’s grace and mercy. Love u bunches.

  2. Okay, my problem (within myself) is that I’m a “doer,” born and bred. So it stands to reason that I struggle, daily, to allow the Lord to lead and guide my every thought, action and reaction. However, when I surrender all, my Lord is glorified and when I don’t, well, lets just say it’s not pretty…. I too, Bianca, want a divorce from my emotions.. I never heard it said this way before and it will be a part of my daily communications with the Lord as another way to become closer to Him… Great Insight! Love you….

  3. Isaiah 55 was the subject of the sermon at church Sunday. Confirmation. Great post Bianca. Makes alot of sense and we’ve all been there. I look forward to your posts each week.

  4. Glad it spoke to you Ify!!… and Tristan thank you so much for your support and sharing your comments. It’s a blessing to know there’s someone listening to my words but even better that you’re hearing God’s voice! What a blessing!

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