Yes, I have issues

Deu. 32:35 “Vengeance is Mine, and recompense; Their foot shall slip in due time; For the day of their calamity is at hand, And the things to come hasten upon them.”

Since I share the good and the bad… I may as well share the ugly. When I write, I always right from the space that I’m currently residing. It’s not always going to be the most pleasant place because we live in a world that often lacks pleasantries. However, this blog is not to dwell on the wrongs of the world, instead it’s to address what we all have in common… ISSUES.

It doesn’t matter how spiritual you are or how many years you’ve been saved, we are ever evolving creatures and with that evolution comes a lot of self-discovery. Today, after receiving some disturbing news, I found myself feeling enraged, fearful, and helpless all balled up into one. I was informed that criminal activity and violence is running rampant in a neighborhood where the majority of my loved ones reside. Unthinkable tragedies have happened in the area and immediately the enemy started places thoughts in my head. I had visions of my mother, father, and fiancé being attacked and began to plot all of the things I would do should anything EVER happen to them. Let’s just say, prayer wasn’t on the list. (I know, I know… blasphemy from someone who claims Christianity right?!)

Rom. 12:19 “Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; For it is written, Vengeance is mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.

Well there lies one of my issues. I am insanely protective of my family! I would literally die for them. My mom is my best friend, my dad and I are frick and frack, and my fiancé has my heart for eternity. You mess with them, we got major problems and I’ve watched enough “Snapped,” “I ‘Almost’ Got Away With It,” and “48 Hours” to know how best not to get caught. I’m addicted to those shows for some reason. Anyway, I say all this to say that I’m not quite at the level I need to be to spiritually to where I’d be able to fully lean on God if a situation arose against my family. There’s simply no talking to me… no reasoning…no scripture that I feel could save me from seeking vengeance on whomever sought out to harm my family.

So this particular post won’t have any answers. It won’t have any motivating thoughts for you to ponder or apply to your life. It’s simply real talk from a woman who is saved, loves God, and flaunts Christianity with my lifestyle. I honestly want to be at a place where I could say that I would release it to the hand of the Lord but that wouldn’t be the truth and what I hope you appreciate is the honesty of this post.

For anyone that has had a family member harmed or worse and was able to rely solely on God’s strength I’d love to hear from you. I’m working on perfecting myself and part of the process is learning yourself. I confess protection over my family and loved ones daily and I truly believe that no weapon will ever prosper.  Let’s be clear that the belief is no weapon will be victorious over them, it doesn’t mean that weapons won’t form. So in the case that they do, I’m working on building my faith so that I don’t fail God and all that He’s invested in me over the years.

My pastor puts it best… “If you have ISSUESIT’SYOU!” The play on words is catchy but it’s also very true. Your issues are YOUR issues and the only way to deal with them is to acknowledge who they belong to and put the work in to fix YOU!




It’s Tuesdays with Bianca


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