In May 2010, I was in a pretty bad car accident. Four of my girls and I were headed to our sister’s law school graduation when a car ran a stop sign and we hit them head on. I had the car less than 6 months and the entire front side of the car was destroyed. Now I love my car, but I love our lives much more and on that day miracles happened. The major impact was on my side and my air bag did not deploy. Now, I understand that the air bag is a safety precaution but in many instances it causes more damage than it does good.
In my case, because I was the driver, I would have felt the full impact of the bag imploding on my face with no time to shield myself from the blow. I could have been busted and bruised, instead, I walked away with absolutely no injuries… none! My friend in the passenger seat was able to make a split second decision and place her purse in between her and the air bag that deployed in her face. She walked away unharmed. There were three friends in the backseat, one of which was a few weeks pregnant unbeknownst to anyone else. She was rushed to the hospital for safety precautions and after her examination she was cleared to go, the baby was fine, and she walked away without incident. She was told that the fact that she wasn’t wearing a seat belt is what saved her baby’s life. On top of all that, we made it to the graduation after party and celebrated our sister’s major accomplishment and the gift of life. It was a beautiful day!
I know you’re wondering where I’m going with this… well, I’m glad you asked. I never expected that although I made it through that situation unharmed that I would have months to endure a fear that was birthed inside of me on that day. In the days following the accident, I would experience a level of fear that I never experienced before. Each time I would approach a four way stop sign my heart would race, my palms would sweat, and I would be frozen in fear for a few seconds until I had thoroughly scoped the scene to ensure the coast was clear… or until those impatient city drivers blew their horns in complete irritation. The fear lasted for months and I’m not ever sure when it subsided but God brought this event back into remembrance to teach me a lesson.
This year has been a bit of a whirlwind for me. Disappointment, neglect, heartbreak, loneliness… you name it, I’ve felt it this year. Similar to the car crash, I was in no way prepared for what would happen. I had no way to get prepared. It happened suddenly and when the smoke cleared I was left with a mess on my hands. But just like the accident, I walked away without any physical injuries but a load of emotional damage. It took months for me to work through all of those emotions. I had to go before God and ask his help through a situation that I’d never experienced before. And just like with the fear that resulted from the accident, God answered and delivered me from what could have been an emotional breakdown. Things were bad but not nearly as bad as they could have been. The time was long, but not nearly as long as it could have been and I owe it all to God!
So why did I bring this up now? Because I’m at a point where I’ve accepted the past and embracing the future and the reality is, there will be more situations. There will be more let downs, more disappointments, more fears. The thought of it can be paralyzing to the point that I could almost see myself resisting any kind of change. I could see myself sticking to the same group of friends, never letting any new people in. Never going after any new endeavor for fear of the unknown. Never trusting anyone to get close to me. But God reminded me that my accident didn’t keep me from driving again, so any letdown that I’ve faced or will face won’t stop me from moving forward. I will trust again, I will love again, I will explore, and I will be happy! That’s my declaration!
It’s Tuesday with Bianca
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