imagesIt’s taken me FOREVER to write this blog! At this point I’ve had over 7 revisions and there’s sure to be more by the time it’s posted. I thought it was writers block, which is common for me. However, I’m starting to see that I needed to read/see/hear something that would set the overall tone. I believe that happened  after watching a web video called “The Solution Summit.” A forum where people come together to discuss various topics and shed their light on their views in an unapologetic, unadulterated way. Anywho, the question was posed to a Christian on whether he believed in sex before marriage. Here’s his reply:

“My thoughts are it’s okay depending on the reasons for it. If it’s something you get into to make sure you’re getting into the right situation with somebody. But if it’s something different … if it’s a religious thing then it’s a whole other conversation to be had.”

My head was spinning with questions. Out of the hundreds of questions that flooded my mind, I narrowed them down to what I believed was at the heart of all of them… How do Christians define “religious?”


I didn’t hear an answer from God at that moment, but I began to define it for myself. As a Christian, I look at “religious” people as those that are rooted in man-made traditions instead of being spiritually led. For instance, women having to wear hats to church… or women not wearing pants to church… or standing when the Word is read. Those are just a few examples of what I deem to be based solely on man’s traditions and not on the Word of God. Since that is my definition, I can’t categorize sexual purity as being a religious thing. There’s no ambiguity in what the Word says about sex outside of marriage and the sooner we confront that fact and deal with it, the less opportunity Christians will have to make excuses as to why they choose to go against it. It’s funny to me how Christians will look at “Thou shall not murder” as the Word of God but ignore Eph. 5:5 —

“For be sure of this: that no person practicing sexual vice or impurity in thought or in life, or one who is covetous [who has lustful desire for the property of others and is greedy for gain]—for he [in effect] is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.”

Now I know that some will argue that God’s grace is sufficient and He’s a forgiving God. All of that is true but how long do we rely on God’s grace? How many times do you repent after knowing better? What does it mean to surrender to God, even as it relates to finding out if the person you may want to marry is good in bed?? I mean let’s keep it all the way real. As Christians, when are we going to take responsibility for the Word and live it out in our individual lives so that we aren’t just preaching about the values that come easiest to us but actually walk out the values that challenge our very nature?

Prov. 3:5 Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with ALL your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.

What’s left out of “all?” … Nothing. If the Bible is the blueprint for our lives and we are to apply it to our lives on a daily basis we need to understand it in order to properly apply it to our lives. In order to understand we must study. And in order to get the most out of our study time we MUST ask questions! We can’t possibly operate in something without fully understanding the instructions. When we mature in areas, God adjusts how He speaks to us. God confirmed in my spirit His purpose for sex years ago but as time passed and my spirit was challenged I began  to think I was at a super disadvantage by “holding out.” I mean really…The world puts such a heavy emphasis on sex and its importance. It’s embedded in our mind that sex is the end all be all in life, so much so that our world is plagued with growing HIV and AIDS infections yet it scares almost no one from engaging in sexual encounters no matter how “safe” they are.

There’s no doubt of its importance to a relationship but in the proper context. Our goals in a marriage should be to please each other and do whatever it takes to do so. No argument there but when we apply that with everyone we’re sexually attracted to, that’s where we get caught up outside of the will of God.

No matter how many years we’re programmed to think as the world does as it relates to sex and no matter how our natural desires try to validate it, the truth is that doing it God’s way is divine protection. It sets us apart (as we should be as believers). We are protected from soul ties. We’re protected from sexually transmitted diseases. We’re protected against unwanted pregnancies. In essence, God’s law as it relates to sex protects us from ourselves. It doesn’t feel like it to our flesh but our spirit knows! Sometimes He has to yank us back to reality! When I found myself wavering on what I would do if/when an opportunity presented itself I heard God say this:

“When you prepare to have a baby you don’t buy the crib after the child is born. You don’t start looking for baby bottles when you leave the hospital! Neither should you think that you are to show yourself as a wife only after you get a ring. Dress for the job you want, not the one you currently hold. You’ve perfected being single and handling your own. You have nothing more to prove. You’ve trusted me as a single so now trust me as I prepare you for marriage. Walk in the position that you want to hold… a wife. Wives honor their husbands. They don’t give up their bodies to other men.”  … hold fast, I’m going somewhere with this.

Mark 11:24 “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

Ladies, if we truly believe that we receive what we prayed for at the moment we prayed for it then we need to act like it. If our prayer is to have a husband, then we need to acknowledge him now. If we’re to honor our husbands as we honor God then why not start now?  Let me make this personal… The covenant I have with God is identical to the covenant that I will make with my husband. If I wouldn’t cheat on my husband in marriage, I need not present my body to someone else before marriage. Just as I’ve submitted myself to God, so will I submit myself to him and him alone for eternity. How I handle my covenant in this season, is a direct reflection of how I will honor my covenant in my season of marriage. Faith is believing in the unseen. If I believe that God has a husband specifically designed for me then I believe he exist prior to our paths ever crossing… I should consider him in my decision prior to him finding me, correct? That is what faith is all about right? When you believe, you believe that you receive. It’s already done.

I Cor. 6:18 Shun immorality and all sexual looseness [flee from impurity in thought, word, or deed]. Any other sin which a man commits is one outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.

It’s not that God doesn’t want us to enjoy sex. God designed sex to be so enjoyable that husbands and wives would take joy in it and therefore procreate. God’s heart is centered on people and multiplying. So He had to make sex something that was extremely pleasurable. Those that aren’t married yet should not look at it as punishment. We serve a God that is one of honor, respect, pure love, and order. Our bodies are designed by Him. It’s interesting when I see some people who are more concerned about what they eat, what they wear, or how often they work out then they are about who they sleep with. How can someone care more about what they put on, then who they lie down with? The reason we value diet and exercise is because there’s a physical benefit to that lifestyle. We can see the results. Living a sexually pure lifestyle before marriage has spiritual benefits that are not seen by the physical eye, but the reward is just as great, if not greater.

Proverbs 4:11-13 “I instruct you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble. Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life.”

Sex is one of those topics that is easily debatable across the globe and even amongst people of like faith. Given its popularity I’m sure my readers have their own stance on the subject and I want to hear from you… publicly. Let’s start a dialogue!

Happy Tuesday!

Love, Bianca


6 thoughts on “PURE S.E.X

Add yours

  1. Girl! I was just talking about this the other day…about how women say they want to be a wife, but their actions show otherwise. Which is what led to my posting last week regarding the fact that Ruth was working, and not twerking, when Boaz spotted her. A wife is a character that we develop, not a status that we obtain with a ring. Just because you put a ring on a pig, that doesn’t change it from being a pig…Proverbs 11:22 “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.” We must be what we desire to become. And that’s just my two cents…

  2. I loved that post from last week by the way!! That line “A wife is a character that we develop, not a status that we obtain with a ring” … YEP, that will be tweeted! No worries, I’ll give you the credit LOL! Love you sis and thanks for sharing!

  3. This is great. I am pleased with my decision to stay a virgin until I got married. I do think it has great benefits in our marriage and eliminates many potential problems. I believe God honored our obedience.

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