In the midst of one of my worst weeks ever, God showed me that He was still moving on my behalf and that my purpose was not going to be sidetracked by my pain. After a few months of talks with the founder of Defined By Christ magazine, I got the email that I’d been waiting on. My first relationship article would be published the following morning! You have to understand that I was in a slump! Nothing was going right and I honestly had forgotten about all that was in the works… until that email. The connection began after posting my most viewed blog post ever titled “Wifey” a few months back. I received emails from all types of people and I was offered many opportunities. The offer from DBC magazine was one of the ones I took seriously and it has come to fruition!
Last week I posted the link to the article to my social media accounts but I wanted to make sure my loyal readers, who may not be connected to me outside of the blog, had a chance to read it. I’m humbled by opportunities that have presented themselves to me and the divine connections that I’ve made over the past few months. I don’t take this assignment lightly and I look forward to seeing what’s next! Until then, I’ll get settled in to my new role as a relationship columnist for DBC magazine!! Hope you enjoy the read…
I’ve had one too many conversations with women, young and old, who have given up on men. They’ve been let down one too many times and simply believe that real men no longer exist. I knew this was a topic I should speak on but only if it meant leaving my personal experiences out of the equation. It’s not really necessary, right? You see, even though I’m a blogger, I’m still a very private person. There are some topics that flow out of me more freely than others. Divulging the intimate details of my man crush is not one of them; yet talking in the hypothetical seems so inauthentic. I may not trust my readers who are total strangers but I do trust God and He wouldn’t call me to speak on something if it wasn’t for a greater purpose. So I’ve found a healthy balance in my approach to writing this and there’s a lesson in it so as usual… He wins!
This is a lesson in how to manage when things don’t go as planned. First, let me clarify what kind of crush I’m referring to. This wasn’t an “I like him but he doesn’t know I even exist crush.” This crush was a “He’s showing interest and I think I like it so I’m going to roll with it” crush. I remember sitting beside him a few days after we met and visually hi-fiving God for hooking me up! I was thinking “God you really have outdone yourself!” I know you’re laughing but I’m so serious. We met at such an unsuspecting time and the connection was greater than just physical. Of course he was physically attractive but what made him an even more valued package was his unapologetic love for God and his bold expression of that love. I never had that experience before. I can count on one hand the number of crushes I’ve had in my lifetime but even still none of them were ever so spiritually compatible (Insert the dougie dance here). On top of that, our assignments aligned, we had similar visions and work ethics, and it seemed like our priorities were in sync. Welp, I’m sure you’re thinking this is leading to a romantic whirlwind love story…… NOT!
My first natural reaction after it was cut short was …DELETE! But unlike my normal self, I had a bit of a pause. I decided to chill on deleting all forms of contact and go to God about how I felt. If God would have told me to close this door and not look back it would have been the easy route for me! I’m good at that! However, I didn’t get that answer. Instead, I got the exact opposite and I knew that God was trying to stretch me! Strip away my pride and make me deal with it like a real woman.
Here’s what I know: Everyone isn’t meant to be cut out of your life just because it didn’t go the way you planned. It’s a hard pill to swallow but that’s where we put on our big girl panties. Careful though! Keeping an open line of communication has to be led by God because if He’s not in it you’re bound to get your feelings hurt. You also have to be mature enough in your relationship with God in order to not be led by your emotions. Your emotions will fail you every time! You have no idea what purpose God has for the connection and it could be far greater than you imagined. Naturally, as women we question everything! Why present something so “perfect” only for it to be another let down? …What was the purpose of us meeting where we did and how You did it? …What’s so wrong with him? …What’s so wrong with me? …What’s so wrong with us… together? And the list continues. I can honestly say I still don’t have the answers to those questions and I may never fully understand but what I do know is that God has a plan whether we understand it or not. All we have to do is trust. As I was getting pass the utter confusion of it all, I asked myself the following questions:
1. Were you your true self? … YEP!
2. Did you make significant efforts to connect? … More than normal!
3. Did you compromise any of your values? … NOPE!
4. Do you know that God wants to give you His best? … ABSOLUTELY!
So no matter how it turned out, I’m still good! I may be disappointed but not overly. Think about it, if I thought God brought him to me as a potential “Mr.” and I was satisfied, how much more satisfied will I be when I meet “The One”?! The one that will go the extra effort because he sees what God sees in me. I can’t be mad that it didn’t work out if God has something better. I have no clue what’s in store, but I’m content in letting God orchestrate my life and that includes the “Mr.”
Ladies be discerning about the men you spend time with. If you believe God bought them to you, it could mean a match made in heaven but it could mean something else not so “Sleepless in Seattle” romantic. Trust God to be comfortable with whatever it turns out to be and don’t let it discourage you if it doesn’t go as planned. If you know who you are, what you’re worth, and you’re actively pursuing God’s approval in EVERY area of your life, you will have a much happier life even when disappointments come (because they will come!). Stay focused on your assignment. Enjoy where you are right now and let God work out your official man crush moment! Believe it will be worth it. I know I do!