Unhappy Tuesday

The day started off abnormal. It was 71 degrees at the end of November after a fierce cold winter blast just days before. I welcomed it with open arms, even though I knew it wouldn’t last long. The day was pretty chill and the evening began with front and center seats to see one of my favorite artists in concert, Chrisette Michele. I knew what lingered ahead but for just a few hours I was able to block it all out and pretend that music was the cure to all of life’s injustices. It was approximately 9:20P when reality hit and I was brought back down to earth. The radio disc jockey announced just two words: NO INDICTMENT. Back to the norm.

fergusonNot at all surprised since we were all being primed for this very outcome. And yes, the days leading up to the announcement gave clear indication that justice would not be served but the priming started well before Mike Brown. Emmitt Till, Rodney King, Sean Bell, Trayvon Martin, and many more names that never made it to the headlines. History repeating itself and the sentiments of fed up Americans sounding like broken records. I had to shut it all off.  I was just so full with anger, sadness, and too many questions without any answers.

At this very moment, I can’t seem to settle in all of the “truths” I know about the God I serve when the “facts” are pounding away at my head. This battle we’re in may be spiritual but fighting through the physical can be the toughest part. With every report, every video, every meme, every status update, every ignorant official with a mic I get more and more weary at looking at what seem to be insurmountable odds. Still, God knows how to get my attention. As I’m typing, I keep hearing this piece of Mali Music’s “Fight For You” repeated over and over in my head:

There’s no need to worry bout them ‘let me downs’
You can count them extinct
The moment you let me round, I torched it
Screen shattered and forced it to move off that groove
It made on the porch in your heart
I knew from the start it was gon’ be war
The grounds we’re fightin for
The thought of u free from danger
Hurt, fear, depression and anger
Confused and rage and pain got all
Got me out here with my twos up
Fighting with what I could use up
Lyrics and tracks with music
Yeah the pain came and the rain fell down
But I maintained through the skirmish 
Its cos I love you and you’re worth it
Yeah you could be anything to them
But to me you’re perfect
I fight for you, I’m right for you
I’m here on purpose.

Comforting? Yes. Is it the truth? Absolutely. Yet all I want to do is fight for all the “hims” who have carried the same fate as Mike Brown; the “hims” that are in my life who I never want to be a victims of such hate; and the “him” that I hope to one day call my son.

But how do I fight? What action can I take? What’s my part? Do I lead? Do I follow? What do I pray? What is right? What is wrong? All questions that I wish I could have the answers to before the clock strikes midnight but something tells me that I won’t. Instead, I’ll be in my Word, trying to block out my emotions and restore my faith talk so that next Tuesday’s post is brighter than today. Not even sure if all I wrote makes total sense but it’s what I’m feeling at the moment and I simply couldn’t let this day go by without saying… something.

I’ll always keep it real with my readers and tonight is no different. As much as I pour out, today I desperately need to be poured into. Time to recharge. Today my light is noticeably dim, but know that I’m still fighting. Fighting for Him and “him.”

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