Hebrews 4:7 “Again He sets a definite day, [a new] Today, [and gives another opportunity of securing that rest] saying through David after so long a time in the words already quoted, Today, if you would hear His voice and when you hear it, do not harden your hearts.”
I got it wrong more times than I got it right these past few months. Distractions, life’s pressures, loss… you name it, I was engrossed in it. There’s really no other way to put it other than as bluntly as only I know how… I neglected my assignment. I let one “off” week turn into ten and over the course of those weeks all hell broke loose. My initial absence was simply due to the fact that I didn’t feel I had anything pertinent to share. There weren’t any new revelations or interesting stories of inspiration. As many of you know, I never write just to write. I have to have a message and it has to be signed, sealed, and delivered by God. I’ll drop my opinions in here and there but overall it will always tie back into what I heard from God or am seeking to learn from God.
Well, the next week I started seriously questioning where all this writing was going. I started measuring my reach against the reach of others doing similar work and was just for a lack of better words “Over it.” Yeah, I know I’ve been “On It” for a long time. I even took some time off late last year to get clarity on the “why.” I thought I had it. Clearly, I needed more time.
Well… in the midst of all of that my grandmother passed. Though she was 97 and her health was waning, her death came quicker than any of us were prepared to deal with at the time. The aftermath has proven to be more challenging and in the midst of that there were things that have happened that logic can not begin to explain. I believe God allows things to happen in our lives that completely blindside us, without any explanation of why or how, just to see where our faith lies. My most recent test could have taken me out. I seriously could have lost my mind and everything I knew to be true about faith. There were times when I literally had no words to pray. Nothing.
So I’m writing this today to let my readers know that I’m not “Perfect Patty.” I go through challenges just like the rest and sometimes I handle them better than others. It’s because of this fact, that I shied away from starting this whole blogging thing from the beginning. Prior to blogging, if I wanted to hide away for months it wouldn’t impact anyone but myself. Once you’re in the public eye, no matter how small the platform, you’re held to a different standard with a much greater responsibility. I let go.
But I’m here, bloody and bruised but still standing. I truly love to write. I love hearing how what I write touches some of you personally. I love God above all else. I want to do what I love for a living. I want to grow this blog into something bigger than I can imagine. I want it to be exactly what God called it to be.
Over the past few weeks I didn’t seek God the way I should have. I couldn’t hear clearly because my thoughts were jumbled so the thought of trying to write about anything was exhausting! I can’t even say that all my cloudiness is gone. Nor can I say that I’m 100% clear on what to do next but what I do know is that I’m not a quitter. I’m not going to fail at my assignment and I will see whatever it is come to pass despite the bumps and bruises along the way.
Thank you to all of my readers and followers who believe in me and who support my blog! The kind words of concern and interest mean more to me than words can say. I’m pushing through one key stroke at a time.
Thanks for sharing your Tuesday with me!