Scratch the Heat

I love when things just unfold without any real effort. The story begins with an Instagram Story with several quotes that had me not only respond with several “Yaaaass’s” but also led to quite a few screenshots for me to revisit when I need that extra motivation or positivity push. Not long after, I get a message from the person who posted the story encouraging me to check out a Netflix special featuring a woman named Brene’ Brown. Now at this point, I’ve never heard of her but some of you may have seen her TedX Talk on “The Power of Vulnerability” which garnered millions of views and ultimately spring boarded her into a well-renknowned motivational speaker. It wasn’t anything she sought up but it was definitely her calling. Over the holiday weekend, I decided to check out her Netflix special titled “Brene’ Brown: the Call to Courage.” What started out as a simple, relaxed afternoon to stack up on more motivational quotes eventually led to me to reevaluate my entire outlook on life but more importantly how I react to it! I wasn’t ready…

The first big moment was her definition of “vulnerability.” A word that I’m completely uncomfortable with and quite frankly would rather not acknowledge as an actual thing that I need to address or implement. Clearly this message has my name all over it!

“Vulnerability”: having the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome.

Never have I ever related vulnerability to courage. Vulnerability has always been unnecessary in my eyes. I likened it to my dad’s famous saying “Don’t be no sitting duck” which basically means to not let your guard down. Be on alert. Now I’m sure that was meant for walking the streets of DC but I guess I took it as gospel across the board. It also didn’t help that, like everyone, I’ve been burned a few times when trusting and loving the wrong people. Whatever ounce of vulnerability I allowed to seep in was quickly sobered up with that heavy dose of reality. But Brene’ had a lesson on that and it was simple like most profound statements tend to be.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows the end of triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt

This is the quote that changed her life after suffering extreme criticism from viewers of her TedX Talk on YouTube titled “The Power of Vulnerability.” And because of her one decision to “live in the arena” and “dare greatly” she’s able to impact an even wider audience by even bigger doors being opened to her. That door led her into my living room and essentially opening up a way of thinking that has stifled my growth in so many areas! She also confirmed that this little blog written by this super introverted girl is not by happenstance. It’s my own way of living in the arena. It’s my way of daring greatly and my vehicle to push my own boundaries despite every insecurity, self doubt, and imperfection that haunts me daily. And it’s bigger than just the blog, this level of growth carries over into my relationships and my career path. Bree’ puts it best “Vulnerability allows you to be seen for who you truly are and not who you want people to believe you to be.”

“How can you let yourself be loved if you can’t be seen?” – Brene’ Brown

Loving yourself is allowing yourself to be seen. Allow people to get to know the real you. Code switching is a term that many people of color use when working in predominately white places of employment. How much of that is preconceived? What if you truly showed up as yourself… you’re professional self… and allowed them to get comfortable and exposed to the real you? What would happen if you didn’t try to fit into the box that you expect will satisfy the woman or man of your dreams? Why would someone you’re meant to be with require your true self to live in a prison while they live in a fairytale?

There were many poignant and quotable remarks in her special but what stood out the most was the story of her daughter who was chosen to compete in a swim meet that both she and her daughter knew she had no chance of winning. Her daughter tried everything to get out of it, even asking the coach to reconsider. It didn’t work. Her final escape option came from a friend who told her she could “scratch her heat”– intentionally miss her getting on the starting block. At the start of the race, it looked as if she wouldn’t show up but she did. The race was ugly. She got lapped and was so far behind that the next race was lined up on the block to start while she was still swimming her lap. Naturally, she was crushed, embarrassed, and exhausted but when she reunited with her parents she said in the midst of tears “That sucked but I was brave and I won.”

What does winning look like to you? Was it that the coach set her up to fail or was it that he set her up to win in the future? Half the battle is showing up. What if part of the process of winning is coming off the block and getting wet? Can you think of any times in your life where you scratched your own heat where you decided not to come off the block and essentially disqualify yourself before it even began? I know for sure I have. I didn’t apply for that job because I didn’t meet all the qualifications. I didn’t participate in a discussion because I didn’t want to let on what I didn’t know or understand. I didn’t take an opportunity because there was too much of an unknown that I couldn’t control.

Self reflection is never easy. No one enjoys putting a magnifying glass on themselves especially when it’s not a guaranteed win. Though I didn’t enjoy what this all revealed and the amount of work I have to do to reprogram myself, I’m comforted in knowing that I’m headed in the right direction and that this blog is a baby step into what I’m sure is going to be a terrifying dive into one vulnerable moment after another. There’s only one question left to ask… who’s ready to take a dip?!

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The Little Teddy Bear

Before I can fully engage you with my thoughts from the premiere episode of “The Same Room,” I  must first layout how much of a full circle moment this is for me. Six years ago I attended an event called “The Merge Summit” in Los Angeles where I was first introduced to a man name Toure’ Roberts. He was a guest speaker at one of our opening morning sessions and with every word he spoke it was like he was speaking directly into my life. From that day on I’ve been a follower of his ministry called One Church LA (now known as The Potter’s House at One LA and Denver).

Just about 4 years ago I moved to New York and became a listener of his podcast. I would listen to his sermons daily just to push me through the scariest, most uncertain time of my life. One day I selected a sermon and to my surprise it was a voice that I hadn’t heard before. It was a woman named Stephanie Ike who was a guest speaker at One Church LA. I  ALMOST immediately skipped it because she wasn’t someone I had heard of and let’s face it, she was like the substitute teacher. But then I thought that if Toure’ thought so highly of her to have her fill in for him while he was away she had to be pretty dynamic. So instead I listened intently and it wasn’t that long before I was completely drawn in. She had voice, she had a presence, and she most certainly had a Word! Continue reading “The Little Teddy Bear”

Archives: The Universal Love Language

LoveLanguagesRecently I was asked about my love languages and had no idea what they were. So I took the test and discovered that I interpret love through Acts of Service and Quality Time. No surprises there! I’m all about showing verses telling. People can say anything but what they do is what matters most. I’m also a big believer that how someone chooses to spend their time is a good indication of what they value. You can’t love me and have to pencil me into your schedule. Loving me means making me a priority. Not the only priority but definitely a priority. Continue reading “Archives: The Universal Love Language”

The Universal Love Language

LoveLanguagesRecently I was asked about my love languages and had no idea what they were. So I took the test and discovered that I interpret love through Acts of Service and Quality Time. No surprises there! I’m all about showing verses telling. People can say anything but what they do is what matters most. I’m also a big believer that how someone chooses to spend their time is a good indication of what they value. You can’t love me and have to pencil me into your schedule. Loving me means making me a priority. Not the only priority but definitely a priority. Continue reading “The Universal Love Language”

Divorced AND Christian… The Response.

Well, I asked for feedback and you all did not disappoint! I loved reading each and every one of them whether I agreed with all of it or not. Let me just say that I find this to be a very complicated subject and it may have everything to do with the fact that I haven’t done my due diligence to really seek out the Word in its entirety to understand the idea of an “ordained marriage.” After this, I vow to do so that, right or wrong, I can have a clear stance on the topic and back it with scripture which I believe is very important. It’s not a matter of opinion. It’s all about truth and “The Truth” comes from the Bible. So I’m going to highlight a few comments and share a little of what I think as it relates to them. So let’s go! Continue reading “Divorced AND Christian… The Response.”

Hunger Pains

Many of you know that I’m a huge supporter of DeVon Franklin. I stumbled upon him a few years ago and have followed his journey from a far. Last year, I had the honor of meeting him at The Merge Summit held in LA and to say that that moment made an imprint would be an understatement. There’s something to say about someone who you just know is unapologetically themselves. He is genuinely a kind soul with a courageous spirit and a heart for people so it’s no surprise that on this past Sunday I would tune into all 3 services at One Church International where he was the guest speaker. Yes, I watched the 9am, 11am, and 1pm!! That’s how on point he was and how hungry I am to get this thing called life right! The message was the same in all 3 services but the delivery was different. I got something different from each one and I wish I could regurgitate everything in this one article but it would be a book in itself. Instead, I’d like to do one better and share the link to the 1pm service for all of you to witness. (Click here and scroll to about 01:11:30 for the message.) Since I know that some of you won’t watch for lack of time or even lack of interest, I’ll just share a few nuggets that I believe were said directly to me! No seriously, he was all up in my life and yes I was yelling at the screen! Ha! Continue reading “Hunger Pains”

The Heavy Weight Type

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On the surface it’s a cute picture that makes the girls go “Awww” and the guys go….. Well I think their responses will be quite varied but that’s to be expected. What started out as a simple Instagram post morphed into something much bigger the more I studied it. The choices we make in relationships are all about our perceptions. We can look at the same set of circumstances and come away with completely different opinions based on what we’ve experienced and/or desire in the future. What do you see when you look at this photo? Continue reading “The Heavy Weight Type”

“First Name: LUKE, Last Name: WARM”

This month is all about LOVE so I had to share a spoken word piece presented by one of my favorites. Check it out:

I love poetry and spoken word!! It is a powerful art form and when the topic can speak life to you, it’s the best medicine. I sincerely wish that these words came directly from my lips because it’s exactly what I would say to my “husband.” Powerful words by one of my favorites and someone I desire to work with in the very near future: Jeanette ikz.

photoI found this performance years ago and it still resonates with me. She captured perfectly what’s buried in my heart for “the One.” But even more so she exudes the love that we should have for ourselves just to be able to conquer those feelings of disappointment and hurt. I only felt it right to share with my readers because of how hard I went IN on women a few weeks ago. The need for status, money, and attention weighs so heavy that women will sacrifice their bodies, their integrity, and their happiness for the material luxuries that men afford them. It’s refreshing to see glimpses of Proverbs 31 women in this day. They’re the women who may not be in the same spotlight but who seek God’s perfect love and in turn seek the love of a Godly man who will honor them. Given the examples we have, it seems a distant dream but those that are built on a firm foundation will not tire out. We will wait and we will believe that “he” will soon make his presence known. No time for “sorta kindas” or “Luke Warms!” Enjoy the video!!

Happy Tuesday!

Love, Bianca

Hellooo 2014!!!

UnknownWow! It’s New Year’s Eve! 2013 is coming to an end and 2014 is staring us down! Resolutions are being made across the globe. We all know the drill… people are losing weight, changing their diet, starting new hobbies, finding Mr. or Mrs. Right; the lists go on and on but let me change the game up for you this year! Let’s all focus on committing to ONE specific thing this year… PURPOSE! It’s the one thing that will bring incomparable joy and satisfaction. I guarantee if we all focus on that one word, all the other things we desire will fall into place in due season. I literally stumbled upon a passage the other day that planted firmly in my spirit. It speaks volumes to the importance of TODAY and the gift that each day is to each one of us. It’s my hope that you’ll meditate on it and see the big picture. Continue reading “Hellooo 2014!!!”

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