Scratch the Heat

I love when things just unfold without any real effort. The story begins with an Instagram Story with several quotes that had me not only respond with several “Yaaaass’s” but also led to quite a few screenshots for me to revisit when I need that extra motivation or positivity push. Not long after, I get a message from the person who posted the story encouraging me to check out a Netflix special featuring a woman named Brene’ Brown. Now at this point, I’ve never heard of her but some of you may have seen her TedX Talk on “The Power of Vulnerability” which garnered millions of views and ultimately spring boarded her into a well-renknowned motivational speaker. It wasn’t anything she sought up but it was definitely her calling. Over the holiday weekend, I decided to check out her Netflix special titled “Brene’ Brown: the Call to Courage.” What started out as a simple, relaxed afternoon to stack up on more motivational quotes eventually led to me to reevaluate my entire outlook on life but more importantly how I react to it! I wasn’t ready…

The first big moment was her definition of “vulnerability.” A word that I’m completely uncomfortable with and quite frankly would rather not acknowledge as an actual thing that I need to address or implement. Clearly this message has my name all over it!

“Vulnerability”: having the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome.

Never have I ever related vulnerability to courage. Vulnerability has always been unnecessary in my eyes. I likened it to my dad’s famous saying “Don’t be no sitting duck” which basically means to not let your guard down. Be on alert. Now I’m sure that was meant for walking the streets of DC but I guess I took it as gospel across the board. It also didn’t help that, like everyone, I’ve been burned a few times when trusting and loving the wrong people. Whatever ounce of vulnerability I allowed to seep in was quickly sobered up with that heavy dose of reality. But Brene’ had a lesson on that and it was simple like most profound statements tend to be.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows the end of triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt

This is the quote that changed her life after suffering extreme criticism from viewers of her TedX Talk on YouTube titled “The Power of Vulnerability.” And because of her one decision to “live in the arena” and “dare greatly” she’s able to impact an even wider audience by even bigger doors being opened to her. That door led her into my living room and essentially opening up a way of thinking that has stifled my growth in so many areas! She also confirmed that this little blog written by this super introverted girl is not by happenstance. It’s my own way of living in the arena. It’s my way of daring greatly and my vehicle to push my own boundaries despite every insecurity, self doubt, and imperfection that haunts me daily. And it’s bigger than just the blog, this level of growth carries over into my relationships and my career path. Bree’ puts it best “Vulnerability allows you to be seen for who you truly are and not who you want people to believe you to be.”

“How can you let yourself be loved if you can’t be seen?” – Brene’ Brown

Loving yourself is allowing yourself to be seen. Allow people to get to know the real you. Code switching is a term that many people of color use when working in predominately white places of employment. How much of that is preconceived? What if you truly showed up as yourself… you’re professional self… and allowed them to get comfortable and exposed to the real you? What would happen if you didn’t try to fit into the box that you expect will satisfy the woman or man of your dreams? Why would someone you’re meant to be with require your true self to live in a prison while they live in a fairytale?

There were many poignant and quotable remarks in her special but what stood out the most was the story of her daughter who was chosen to compete in a swim meet that both she and her daughter knew she had no chance of winning. Her daughter tried everything to get out of it, even asking the coach to reconsider. It didn’t work. Her final escape option came from a friend who told her she could “scratch her heat”– intentionally miss her getting on the starting block. At the start of the race, it looked as if she wouldn’t show up but she did. The race was ugly. She got lapped and was so far behind that the next race was lined up on the block to start while she was still swimming her lap. Naturally, she was crushed, embarrassed, and exhausted but when she reunited with her parents she said in the midst of tears “That sucked but I was brave and I won.”

What does winning look like to you? Was it that the coach set her up to fail or was it that he set her up to win in the future? Half the battle is showing up. What if part of the process of winning is coming off the block and getting wet? Can you think of any times in your life where you scratched your own heat where you decided not to come off the block and essentially disqualify yourself before it even began? I know for sure I have. I didn’t apply for that job because I didn’t meet all the qualifications. I didn’t participate in a discussion because I didn’t want to let on what I didn’t know or understand. I didn’t take an opportunity because there was too much of an unknown that I couldn’t control.

Self reflection is never easy. No one enjoys putting a magnifying glass on themselves especially when it’s not a guaranteed win. Though I didn’t enjoy what this all revealed and the amount of work I have to do to reprogram myself, I’m comforted in knowing that I’m headed in the right direction and that this blog is a baby step into what I’m sure is going to be a terrifying dive into one vulnerable moment after another. There’s only one question left to ask… who’s ready to take a dip?!

Archive: Words-Thoughts-Actions-Behaviors-Lifestyle

“Your behavior is a reflection of what you believe.” ~ Pastor Dwayne Freeman

wordsLet me start by saying this: if every Sunday you leave church without even one word to pull on for the rest of the week I’m telling you that you’re in the wrong church! I don’t care whose auntie, momma, or grandma was baptized there in 1932! If your life isn’t impacted by being connected then it’s time to GO! Every Sunday I feel recharged and it lasts well beyond the pews. I carry it with me into my week. Some lessons resonate more with me than others but it’s never a waste when I attend church. Yes, the pastor definitely has a major part on what you get while sitting in the service. However, what you do with that word after you leave is 100% completely up to YOU. Continue reading “Archive: Words-Thoughts-Actions-Behaviors-Lifestyle”

An Evening Out: Purity w/ Style Launch Party

danille-e1407897010589A few weeks ago I received a personal invite to serve as press for the launch of a young woman’s clothing line. Although I was honored, I wasn’t quite sure why I was chosen. I write a blog about various experiences in my life and in the lives of others but never had I covered an actual event as press. I hesitated for about 3 minutes before I responded with, “Absolutely!”

There’s nothing like a night in a swanky loft in the heart of DC spent with women of power, prestige, and a love of all things pure. I was able to get a few moments to chat with the lovely Danielle Stradford, founder and CEO of “Purity w/ Style.” Aside from her gracious smile and welcoming spirit, she’s a beautiful force behind a powerful movement to redefine the look of purity. Here’s a look into the life of the visionary and her new lifestyle brand: Continue reading “An Evening Out: Purity w/ Style Launch Party”

“First Name: LUKE, Last Name: WARM”

This month is all about LOVE so I had to share a spoken word piece presented by one of my favorites. Check it out:

I love poetry and spoken word!! It is a powerful art form and when the topic can speak life to you, it’s the best medicine. I sincerely wish that these words came directly from my lips because it’s exactly what I would say to my “husband.” Powerful words by one of my favorites and someone I desire to work with in the very near future: Jeanette ikz.

photoI found this performance years ago and it still resonates with me. She captured perfectly what’s buried in my heart for “the One.” But even more so she exudes the love that we should have for ourselves just to be able to conquer those feelings of disappointment and hurt. I only felt it right to share with my readers because of how hard I went IN on women a few weeks ago. The need for status, money, and attention weighs so heavy that women will sacrifice their bodies, their integrity, and their happiness for the material luxuries that men afford them. It’s refreshing to see glimpses of Proverbs 31 women in this day. They’re the women who may not be in the same spotlight but who seek God’s perfect love and in turn seek the love of a Godly man who will honor them. Given the examples we have, it seems a distant dream but those that are built on a firm foundation will not tire out. We will wait and we will believe that “he” will soon make his presence known. No time for “sorta kindas” or “Luke Warms!” Enjoy the video!!

Happy Tuesday!

Love, Bianca

Audience of 1

number-one-It’s okay to admit that we can sometimes be a respector of people and by that I mean, we tailor how we present ourselves based on who we are or are not trying to impress. Let’s be all the way real! When you know the CEO is going to be in a meeting you have a certain level of care that you put into dressing accordingly. Oftentimes, the company will send a mass message to all employees to tidy their offices and dress in business attire instead of business casual when board members are visiting. When we were younger, the subsitute teacher meant free day! Ladies, if you know that dream boy will be at the gym on Tuesdays and Thursdays, you breakout the cute, matching work out gear for those days. And gentlemen, you splash an extra dose of “smell good” on when you know you are going to “run into” that dream girl at the party that night. It’s cool, we all do it but here’s where we need to let maturity set in. Continue reading “Audience of 1”

In the Midst of Filth… SHINE!

Since I adopted my dog Milo, my mornings run like clock work. I get up to an erratic, jumpy pup, throw on my sweats, and off for a walk we go. I used to be the type that hated early mornings. Honestly, I’m still not a fan but what I can appreciate now is that I have so much more time before I have to officially start my day. I used to wake up in just enough time to shower, dress, and maybe grab a glass of OJ. Now, I have at least an hour of leisure time to get myself ready and equipped for the day ahead. Part of the day I enjoy the most is my walk with Milo. I use the majority of that time to listen for God’s voice. Continue reading “In the Midst of Filth… SHINE!”

Finding My Set Place: Perfecting my “Cocky Faith” – July 22, 2007

Yet another busy Tuesday and I’m down to the wire to get my blog out before the clock strikes midnight. It never fails that when I’m in a crunch, God makes it so plain. I decided to stick to the entry of July 22, 2007 because last week I got stuck on the very first scripture. There are at least 15 more scriptures in my notes so this date may drag into a third week. I hope you all don’t mind me taking my time on this. Remember it’s a journey.

So, today I’m listening to my pastor’s lesson titled “Cocky Faith” and naturally it correlated with the passages in my notes from over 4 years ago. I’ve taken the limits off and letting God lead the way so here goes…   Continue reading “Finding My Set Place: Perfecting my “Cocky Faith” – July 22, 2007”

Desires of My Heart

Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.”

There is truly no greater joy than knowing that you are living a life pleasing to God. Obedience is never easy when your Will is constantly competing with His Will. The sooner you are able to let go and give it all over, the sooner you will begin to see the rewards of your faithfulness. It’s a daily decision. Don’t think for a minute that the moment you get saved that you automatically understand what it means to truly walk out a Christian lifestyle. I’ve received Christ at age 13 and trust that I am still learning and seeking wisdom in every area.

Continue reading “Desires of My Heart”

TIME THEIVES

Where do I even begin? I seriously have so much to write about that I don’t know what to write about. Life!! I don’t care how prepared you think you are for it, there’s always something that will try to throw you off course. In my case, there have been a lot of “somethings.” I truly believe that the greatest battles you will ever have are the ones in your mind. I’m sure I’m not the only one that has a lot to juggle on a daily basis. I don’t know how anyone can survive in our society without the ability to multitask. Dreamers have to set aside time to plan out your steps to making those dreams reality. If you’re independent, you have to hold down your job to provide a stable living for yourself. If you have family, you have to be the sounding board for them and assist them in anyway possible. Relationships, whether romantic or friends, demand of your time. Anything worth having is worth investing in.  So how do you manage it all without losing yourself in the mix? Continue reading “TIME THEIVES”

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑