My High Tower

Psalm 9:9 “The Lord also will be a refuge and a high tower for the oppressed, a refuge and a stronghold in times of trouble (high cost, destitution, and desperation).”

Imagine you think you’re about to be hit with a pillow stuffed with feathers but instead it’s one stuffed with bricks. That was me. It would have been great if I was still on my writing hiatus but as fate would have it I’m back at it and things are so out of sorts for me right now. I’m looking for the “Do Over” button like now!

There are times when I write out of joy and revelation knowledge and there are times where it is out of complete and utter desperation. That’s where I am today. Not that I’m desperate for readers or public approval but out of the need to feel closer to God so that I can make sense out of senseless situations.

Here’s what I know about me. When I pray I don’t usually hear anything from God right away. My prayer time is often me thanking Him, pleading to Him for instruction, asking Him for protection, etc. More often than not, I hear him at the most random moments! I can be driving in my car, listening to a song, having a conversation with someone and He’ll just interrupt me. However, what I’ve learned most recently is that my special time with God is when I write. It doesn’t matter if it’s a pen and pad or a keyboard, that’s our official quality time together.

I didn’t realize that until today. So often I’m delayed in writing because I want to know what my message is before I sit down. That’s been one of the main reasons I went on such a long hiatus earlier this year, but God revealed to me as I’m typing this that He waits for me to follow His instruction to sit down and write so that He can give me the words as I go. Sometimes I know a head of time but in times when I feel unprepared (I’m a habitual planner!)  I still need to show up. Take that as a lesson, if God leads you to do something that you don’t feel ready or able to do just show up! He’s waiting on your obedience, not your perfection.

Well having this revelation at this moment in my life is important because since my last post, I’d love to say that things have fared better and became clearer but in reality things got worse. Recently, all I have wanted to do was cover my head in bed and avoid life as a whole. Of course that wasn’t going to happen. I have commitments, I have a job, and I have friends that would break my door in if I continued to ignore their calls! 🙂

On one particular day, I literally dragged myself out of bed, threw on some make up to try to camouflage my sleepless eyes, and with a deep breath, out the door I went. I was completely putting on and as hard as I tried to be “normal,” people knew something was up. I made it to my second appointment of the day, which just so happened to be a ministry event that I’m a part. You would think that’s exactly where I would want to be feeling the way I did … Nope! I wanted to hide away. I wanted to deal with my issues in solitude. I found my spot in the upper deck of the auditorium and busied myself with what I was assigned to do for the event. I felt numb. It wasn’t until the speakers began to share their message that God’s presence became evident.

The overlying message was the issue of “Doubt” and how the enemy can cause you to doubt every promise that God has given you. When God declares something, it’s final. Period. But the enemy likes to get us to question everything. He’ll have us questioning ourselves to the point that we think we just may be going crazy! That’s where I was. There were things that took place in my life that just did not make any sense!! I know me. I’m very aware of everything that goes on around me but this thing came at me without rhyme, reason, or warning. Like I said, it was a pillow of bricks!

But at that moment, listening to their lessons I felt God assuring me that He was with me. I needed to stop doubting Him and stop doubting who I knew He designed me to be when I’m unable to make sense out of things. It’s funny how we are so quick to take a doctor’s word for something just because they are supposed to be the experts or how we are so quick to believe the weatherman. When he says expect rain in the forecast, we make sure we have our umbrellas and rain boots. Just recently I was so pressed to wear my new rain boots that when I heard of the potential rainstorm I jumped at the chance, only to get out there and the sun was shining the majority of the day. It’s crazy how we are so quick to question if God is really going to do what He says when He has never failed us. Still we’ve gotten false positive reports from doctors, malpractice suits out the yang, snow days turned out to be more like spring days and we take mere human’s words as gospel. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t take heed to those things but let’s not put their value above God.

I’m still going through it, but God has a plan for me that nothing can demolish unless I let it. I refuse to fail. I refuse to let the enemy have my happiness, my health, my family, or my sanity! Psalm 9:9 says “He’s our refuge” so stop trying to hide from Him and instead hide IN Him. He’s our “high tower.” Why does it say “high” when could just read that He’s our tower? The purpose of it being high is that it’s protected from dangers beneath. The enemy is beneath us. It’s high because when something is above, it gives a better view. Things are clearer. You can see further than what’s directly in front of you. God gives us vision. He wants us to focus on that and not the circumstances that surround us. He wants us to see pass those things so that is why he’s our “high tower.”

Be sure that in your times of high cost or destitution you don’t turn to people who feed you what you want to hear. You know the people who give you advice based on their negative experiences without taking any time to hear from God. It does matter what you do and who you surround yourself in these times of your life. No one, no matter how close they are to you is a substitute for God’s instruction. Even when things don’t make sense to you, God’s wisdom is far grander than your bestie or homeboy. Seek after Him first and stop doubting Him. We’ll get through the tests and have a prosperous life to show for it!

Encouraging you as I encourage myself… believe me!

Happy Tuesday!

Love, Bianca